Emotional, that is how I will sum up week 1 of cycle two. Now, I would like to say it was a week of highs and lows and a good balanced celebration of emotion, but I am not going to start lying for the sake of lying.
There were some highs to be sure, I set a goal of walking a mile per day while receiving the five days of chemo, as well as a session of yoga every evening and I accomplished that. The walks may have been a little slower and the yoga sessions a little more relaxed as the week progressed, but mission accomplished on that front.
The real emotion came with the in between times, when I had the most time to think. Previously, the longest I have ever been sick is for about a week, at most, the kind of lingering cold or flu that everyone experiences at one time or another. But today it hit me, I am coming up on THREE MONTHS with cancer and I don't know if I am getting better yet. I want to feel and hope and believe that I am making progress, but it will be another couple of weeks until I have my rescan and go over the results. Until then, it's a toss up, is my body responding to the treatments or isn't it? It is a bit of a cruel waiting game.
But I am holding my head high and hanging onto hope. I want to shock my doctors with how well I am doing. I want them taken aback by what great progress I am making. I have a 100 mile bike ride waiting for me August 21, 2011 and I want to be ready and be there.
I just need to remain patient, focused and determined and I need to listen to what my body is telling me as we heal. I would like to close this post with a traditional Tibetan prayer.
Grant that I may be given appropriate difficulties and sufferings on this journey so that my heart can be truly awakened and my practice of liberation and universal compassion may be truly fulfilled.