Monday, January 24, 2011

The Mental Side of the Early Days of Cancer

Physical vs. Mental:
It is hard to say during these early days which will be the harder battle, the physical one or the mental one. The outpouring of support since Friday has been truly incredible, I have said it before and I am sure I will say it many more times during this journey, but I feel blessed to have such great support in my corner.
So many of you mentioned how strong I am, yet today I let a 56 hour battle with nausea and headache ground me on the couch when I really wanted to get out for a run. Treatment hasn't even started yet and I am already letting the mental fight take an early lead, I am going to need to address that with myself and correct it. Others of you spoke of me being a kind and decent person, but I know I am guilty of muttering rude things under my breath (as well as shouting them out loud, let's not kid ourselves) and having a temper. These early days of cancer make me question where I could have been better or kinder, or tried harder in life, or reached out to more people.
And then there was hope, so much hope in so much of what you all said. And that is what I need to do, keep the flame of hope burning bright, beat this physically and mentally and get busy getting myself to the point where I talk about being a cancer survivor, not a cancer fighter.
In the mail today I received a catalog from Harley Davidson with the tag line "Kick-Start Your Next Adventure". I am one step ahead of you. They were probably thinking that adventure would be on the back of a brand new motorcycle, not fighting cancer, but maybe my next, next adventure Harley.
I think I have just enough daylight left to get that run in.


  1. I don't know if you know my dad was diagnosed with a very rare, aggressive cancer when Ben was a baby. He was given a 10% chance. Well, he beat it! Then he also got Prostate cancer and beat it! At the time of his death 15 years later of heart failure he was still cancer free. He took it as it came and dealt with what was before him. He took as much enjoyment out of the things he could still do as he could. When he would hallucinate when he was on some drugs to treat the side effects of the severe radiation treatment he had he would poke fun at himself. I don't know how he did it, but he kept going. Glad to read you got your run in. You inspire me. Especially since it is 10 degrees outside here in New York...

  2. I do recall that your dad was a multi-time cancer survivor, I couldn't remember what types, but I thought about that while I ran today (of course it was 31 here, practically a heat wave), that inspired me.
    I need to be realistic with myself, I will have good days and bad, but in the end, attitude is everything.

  3. Brian,
    I got here via your sisters, FB page. Then I saw your page and your smile took me back so many years - obviously you're a grown man now, but there was that "smile". My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours, but I am confident that you will overcome this. You're right attitude is everything and I know if anyone has the "right" attitude, it's you!


  4. Brian,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Ellon. Your 4-H family is here for support.

  5. Ginny,
    Thank you, we appreciate that very much.